Simply Me

For all the criticisms of polygamy i could come up with, the cowives fighting in public was not one of them...not untill last sunday. The 1st wife of a kenyan somali member of parliament is recuperating in Nairobi hospital after a very public beating. The MP in question is Mandera east MP, Hon Shaaban Ali Isaak who doubles as the assistant minister of one of the many nondescript ministries that is a reserve for somali MPs in Kenya. This is not the 1st time his two wives are fighting in public.

The 1st time was more dramatic, very petty, funnier, fairer and less severe. Dramatic because they fought in a mosque, petty because they fought over nothing. The truth is they fought over the husband, but their reason for sparking that war was basic kindergarten stuff.
1st wife: why are you looking at me
2nd wife: How did you know i was looking at you, whore...
A slap followed that, then a full blown fight inside a mosque... in the end the 1st wife's lip was not pleasing to kiss after a good bite from the cowife. The MP wanted to divorce his 1st wife after that incident but his relatives oppossed the move. He relented...he shouldnt have, if only to spare her from what was coming.

That was at the end of last year. Not two months later, they were at it again. This time, the 2nd wife got much cleverer and the result, two surgeries in two days for her competitor. They met in a wedding in KICC's tintin restaurant. The 1st wife was the organiser. Naturally, the cowife wasnt invited but she made a showing, not alone but with her crew.

At about midnight, when the somali mommas were busy shaking their things, someone told the 1st wife that she is needed outside. People heard arguments, then screams, as other people rushed out, the the 1st wife and her crew jumped into her car and speeded off. Apparently, the woman was assaulted with broken soda bottles. Police locked everybody into the hotel as they sought an explanation...

That is when a lady whom i had dropped off and promised to pick her up called me. I drove there from Easich only to find the place full of police...fortunately for everybody else, the wife of another political heavyweight, Wajir West Mp Hon Mohamed Abdi (who is also low profile cabinet minister), was in attendance. She explained the situation and everyone was left off.

It was very embarassing for the MP the 1st time...these beats the it. Can it get more embarassing than these? I wouldnt bet against it.

Awesome, invincible, graceful, legend, genius, flawless, immaculate.... the superlatives and synonyms run out when describing Roger Federer, the finest export from swirtzerland. This guy just took the Australian Open without dropping a set (and without playing his best tennis), the 1st person to do that for over 2 decades i am told. I was attracted to Tenis by the gorgeous women on court, but these days, if i have the time, i dont miss Roger Federer playing. The guy is just a delight to watch.

A genius like him arrives once in a generation but rather than just watch and be grateful enough to witness a master at work, i always wish he doesnt win, but i want him to make all the way to the final, then lose. I have always hated hegemonys and that is what Federer has created in Tennis, an aura of invincibility surrounds him and most of his opponents are already beaten when they step on court, unless the surface is clay and the opponent is the brute Nadal. In the end, unless its the French Open, we witness practice sessions for Roger Federer as he beats yet another opponent who would have been great were Federer not born...and Andy Roddick comes to mind. I felt sorry for these guy after his thrashing in the semi. These is how he described how it feels to receive yet another hiding at the hands of the master, "It was frustrating. It was miserable. It sucked. It was terrible." At only 25, the word Great and the greatest have already been used to describe him many times. Even if, as i wish, he doesnt win the French Open come May, Federer is already guaranteed a place in the tennis, no, the sports hall of fame.

On another note, these teenager Nicole Vaidisova might just be the one to give our fav teen, Maria sharapova some competition, off the court that is. She just might be the one to take away some attention from Maria, who has dominated us, adoring fans, since the tennis demise of Kounikova.

At least not so soon. Obviously when the south African high court made the momentously stupid decision to allow gay marriages on African soil, it only was a matter of time before the other African fags started demanding 'their rights' too. It just never occurred to me that it would happen in Kenya so soon. These retarded sub-humans called a press conference under the umbrella of the gay and lesbian association of Kenya demanding for what they called 'their rights'. I am just wishing i was the president for a day...so that i could teach these people a lesson. Those people were just so revolting and disgusting from the TV, i dont know what my reaction can be if, God forbid, i meet a gay person...i can maybe tolerate a lesbian, make fun of them(like pay them to do their stuff while i watch) but a gay man...these are the people who should be wiped off the earth.

When i was young, i wanted to be a pilot. My friend awino wanted to be an engineer. In our primary school, we all wanted to either be a pilot, a doctor, an engineer or a lawyer. It was as if there were only four careers. I dont know how many attained those dreams but certainly me and awino havent, at least not yet.

Watching news yersterday made me remember my childhood dream. The news item was the release of the results of KCPE(Kenya certificate of primary education) Exams. The top achievers were being intervieweid. You can guess what they wanted to be when they grow up. Just one of the four careers mentioned above. The interesting part was when they started showing adult prisoners who had passed the exams. All but one wanted to be doctors. Is it a stage we all pass through? I got the feeling that if i take my grand ma to school right now, she'll want to be one of the above when she grows up. To make my sample more unbiased, I called my two nephews and asked them what they wanted to be when they grow big...one a pilot, the other one a doctor.

I cant understand why the dreams of the kenyan children are convergent....why our dreams were countable. Is it a case of parents living their dreams through their children? Could be, i certainly know of kids whose parents want them to be what they never managed to be. Or is it because our young minds options are limited to only those careers which are perceived to be well paying here in kenya?

Somalia isnt my country but as a somali i feel for it. I love it and i constantly weep for it. Today, the amharic vultures descended on it so as to remove the ICU, the wadaads who have brought a semblence of law and order to Xamar. I hope the ethiopians are slaughtered en masse...I pray that they be mudered till the body bags run out...

I loved this poem that is written by Mahamud Siad Togane. Full poem and post in somalilife; Click here for full poem

In one of his most memorable letters to the British, The Sayyid did not mince words, bluntly and boldly he spoke Truth to the arrogant and ignorant British imperial power.

He wrote:

I want to rule my own country. I want to protect my own religion....

All you can get from me is war, nothing else….We ask for Allah’s

blessings. Allah is with me as I write this. If you want war, I am

happy; if you want peace, I am also content . But if you want peace,

go away from my country to your own.



Today the leaders of the Union of Islamic Courts

The inheritors of the mantle of Sayyid Mohamed Abdille Hassan

Have delivered the same message

To the Tigrinyan Tosspot

To the Tigrinyan Totalitarian

To Mickey Mouse Melles:

If you want peace, go away from our country to your own.

Don’t listen to what Yay & Ghedi are whispering in your eager ears.

This land is not yours!

Our creed

Our country

Are not for sale.

Just like the days of the Sayyid

Just like the days of yore

Just like the days of lore

There are two types of Somalis:

The foolish faithless few traitors who let themselves be led astray

Like Yay

Like Ghedi

Who have treason in their blood.

These Melles minion mental mules are a minuscule minority

Without merit

Without muscle

Without marrow

Without mind

Without might

Without main

Without moxie

Without marbles.

Yellow Yay & Ghastly Ghedi are on The Road to Damnation:

It is their lot

To limp along the road to hell led by the nose by Mendacious Melles

To trot in terror behind the enemy alien honky Kaffir infidel

To understand nothing

To be condemned to Madness

Like Bush

They are full of bushwa

Like Bush

Like Blair

Like Melles

It is their lot

To hate Islam & Muslims

To despise the Sharia Divine Law

To be the children of the Devil

...


Posted in somalilife.com by 1_somali.

After a suprisingly easy exam today, the class' chief comedian asked a silly but thought provoking question;

If you have forced carnal knowledge of a prostitute, is it rape or robbery/theft?

Just a year ago, a cabinet minister made a joke about how the US govts pressure on its Kenyan counterpart about corruption was "like raping a woman who was already too willing..." That botched joke landed him in all sorts of problems with women and women groups...so you can understand our trepidation when we just kept queit, waiting for the one girl present to bring the sky down on him but since she just broke into a smile, we had a healthy and humurous debate... that of course ended in a stalemate thanks to the one woman present. What do u think, is it rape or robbery?

Exam season is here again for me. For the next two weeks i have to labour and try to pass. The only consolation is that with these exam, i say bye to university exams( I dont want a postgraduate degree, i have suffered enough).

As i prepare for this final exam, am asking myself if exams serve a noble purpose, if they have a noble purpose at all. Are they just for sifting the maize from the chaff, for separating the 'bright' from the 'stupid'? Can a single or even collective test score be considered our measure of intelligence? I tend to think that exams defeat their purpose. They never pick out the best. How else do you explain the fact that a person so good in exams becomes a total failure in work. Exams also aid the establishment of status classes in society, at least here in kenya. The rich kids go to the best schools, where they are then literaly drillied to pass exams. In this schools, one is thought to pass exams...no need to know because of knowledge, just pass the exams and then go get an ivy league education and come back to kenya to take your dads job. All these time the poor kid, who has a real appetite for knowledge doesnt get the necessary resources to do well in exams. At best, (s)he goes to a mid level college, otherwise its just another statitic, a drop out, for the rich guys to read about.

Perharps its a case of Hobson's choice. Perharps the system is not to blame. Perharps there is just no other way of testing one's creativity, imagination, innovativeness, effort and personality. But there is no consolation that exams fail to capture any of those attributes.

"You're a wonderful human being, but the tests don't show it."
Educator Chuck Lavaroni to Gilbert Medeiros after telling him he shouldn't plan to go to college as a result of his test scores. Chuck later met Gilbert at a party in Marin County, only to hear that Gilbert got a law degree, worked as vice president for a large real estate firm, owned and ran 5 different companies

Yesterday was world aids day. I didnt know these till i watched news late at night. So, to wish aids a belated 25th sad birthday, i have decided to place these banner. And go red too.



I am a happy man that the AIDS scourge hasnt affected somalis as much as it has affected the rest of Africa...but my country, Kenya, is bleading. I weap for Kenya. But despite all the gloom, there is good news. I am told in 3 years only, the Aids prevalence rate has dropped from a high of 13% among Kenyan adults to 5.9% these year. That is good news. I dont want to dwell on the AIDS statistics, they are appaling. They are shameful...its a pity. So, i'll do what i can. I'm starting by joining red today and hope to raise awareness among people.



Lets join (red) and make aids history.
Keep the promise.

Got tagged by Firefly to write 6 weird things about myself...let me try.

I. A mild form of ADD?
I've got difficulty in sustaining attention for long periods, especially when doing anything academic and except when watching football or being with a girl. I have diagnosed that to be a very mild form of attention deficit disorder. It doesnt need treatment so no one should suggest that i see a shrink or something.

2. Blue briefs and boxers...
All my boxers are either blue or shades of blue. I dont like any other color touching my precious goods.

3. I cant ride a bike...
And its not for a lack of trying. My dad bought me a bike when i was about 4...and when learning how to, i fell off and injured my leg. The coward that i am, i have never been able to overcome that traumatic event. I tried learning again when in my adolescents but i just couldnt.

4. Hate at 1st sight!
It has happened to me once. After high school, when waiting for my KCSE results, i enrolled in an IT college in Nairobi. I hated my lecturer from day 1, for no reason....and well, she didnt like me too. I never finished that 1st programming lecture. After 2 days, i dropped out. That feeling has never resurfaced.

5. Bend rules...
I think its never wrong to bend rules to suit you...but take care not to break them.

6. Shumacer syndrome.
Am always cagey about my private life. I never give definite answers to questions on my private life. I call it shumacer syndrome coz he, like me, reveals little about his missus.

Last week, the american tv network, abc news, announced its 7 new wonders of the world. It was big news here in Kenya coz the maasai mara was one of them, the 7th new wonder of the world. While i have no qualms about the new 5th(the internet) and 7th new wonder of the world(the great migration and maasai mara) , i cant agree with the other 5...Granted, they are magnificient, but do they inspire shear awe and admiration? Are they modern enough to be relevant in this world? I say No. The most glaring omission from that list is The hajj...our own annual pilgrimage to Mecca...for if the migration of animals in their thousands can make it to the list, what about the migration of human beings in their millions, clad in white ihram dresses? I cant think of a more spectacular thing than the haji...from the pictures to the rituals. Infact, the ritual of stoning the devil could be a wonder in itself as could be the standing on the mount of mercy...surely, where else can u find a congregation of at least 2 million humans standing at the foot of a mountain, dressed in white and supplicating to their God? For me, the hajj is definetely the 1st wonder of the world.

What else could make my list? Well, space. Man has gone to space over 50 years ago yet we know so little. We've spent so much on it, billions of dollars looking for answers and yet we have more questions. It just holds so much unknown that its awe inspiring...and the pictures are also spectacular. For me space is just behind Hajj and the internet on top of my list.

The Taj mahal, a monument of love, is a celebration of woman in marble. A perfect gift to a man's favourite woman, its a living example that love really is real. The taj mahal is really wonderful...this is a tribute to beauty...a representation of a muslim emperor's undying love for his woman. If you are looking for wonders of the world, how can these miss? It is best described by the English poet, Sir Edwin Arnold, as "Not a piece of architecture, as other buildings are, but the proud passions of an emperor’s love wrought in living stones."

The abcnews voted for Jerusalem, i vote for temple mount or dome of the rock. A site holy to muslims, christians and jews alike. Its hard to get such a unanimity between these three groups, yet these site manages to do just that. It was built between 687 and 691 by the 9th Caliph, Abd al-Malik...yet its still Jerusalem's best known and eye catching landmark. The jews call it Temple Mount while we muslims call it the Noble sanctuary.

I am still thinking of the 7th one...maybe, i might agree with abcnews on these one...The Potala Palace in Lhasa, Tibet, was once a center of government, a residence of Tibet's ruler, the Dalai Lama, the site of a monastery, and a mausoleum for eight previous Dalai Lamas. It is a 13-story building built on 32 acres of land. in Lhasa, Tibet, was once a center of government, a residence of Tibet's ruler, the Dalai Lama, the site of a monastery, and a mausoleum for eight previous Dalai Lamas. It is a 13-story building built on 32 acres of land. This is spectacular enough...and has relevancy in this world...afterall, the Dalai Lama lives there. Untill i think of another one, am compeled to agree with the americans on these one.

So, here is my complete list;
I. The hajj pilgrimage
II. Space
III. The internet
IV. The potala palace in Lhasa, Tibet.
V. The Taj Mahal.
VI.The dome of the Rock.
VII. The Great migration.

I found these in the daily nation...

This guy loathed his wife’s cat and deciding to get rid of him, drove 20 blocks from home and left the cat in a park. When he got home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
Next day, he drove 40 blocks but the cat was waiting on his return. He kept taking the cat farther and farther away but each time, the moggy beat him home.
Finally, he gassed up the car, checked the tyres and went on a marathon drive: past the park, right, left, right again, over a bridge, under the motorway, into the petrol station and through the next town. There he left the cat.
Many hours later, the wife gets a call. "Er darling, is the cat there? Why yes dear, why do you ask? Just put the damn thing on the phone, will you. I’m totally lost."

lol...

Date: 6th october 1998
Event: Kenyan primary school teachers go on strike...

Jump 4 years...

Date:23rd September 2002
Event:Kenyan teachers strike

Fast forward...4 years later

Date:23 october 2006
Event: Kenyan lecturers strike

You just might wonder what this events have to do with wasmaniac...I'll tell you. On the 6th October 1998, I was just one month away from finishing my primary school education. I was in std 8 awaiting my kenya certificate of primary education exams to start one month later...then the teachers went on strike.

On the 23rd of september 2006, i was in Form Four...awaiting to finish my high school education. It was again exactly a month before my KCSE...and the damn teachers went on strike..

Now...2006. Am in my final year, final semester, undergraduate degree programme...slightly over a month before i finish my academic degree and go for an industrial attachment...and then, something silly happens, again...Lecturers go on strike!

2010...Premonition:
Date: somewhere in sep/oct 2010
Event: strike...by who, am wondering!!

Whoever says that the beautiful ones are not yet born is a big liar. Well, i have to admit that i used to take that saying at face value...using it whenever any friend of mine blabers about the beauty of any woman...Not anymore, for today i met the most beautiful woman in the world. Angelina Jolie was voted the most beautiful woman...the lady i met beats angelina jolie pants down, bras out!!. By conjecture therefore, this lady, who i dont even know her name is the most beautful woman on earth.

When i saw her, my reaction was a muted gasp...followed by an akward minute of silence before i said Mashallah!. The friend i was with then took charge for he saw that i was overwhelmed by the sheer beauty that this lady possessed. He asked for what we came for and she gave it to him...they then talked briefly...all this time am just staring, willing the lady to keep talking on, for she was mesmerizing while talking. My friend then tagged on my shirt, pulling me away while laughing. We had stood there for about 5 to 10 minutes and i didnt utter a word.

Fortunately, my friend happens to have her number...and well, even if i'll never kiss those lips that i saw, it'll just be refreshing to have her as a friend to stare at.

Thierry Henry went into Arsenal's game with Reading on sunday having scored against every Premiership side he had ever faced, all 33 of them. The Royals' much touted defence responded by keeping the Frenchman out for a heroic 58 seconds before they were speared by a rampant Henry who took his top-flight full-spectrum dominance tally to 34.

Arsenal's display of fluid passing and superb technical ability was nothing short of a master-class. This was "champagne football" at it's most invigorating.

Reading were simply out of their depth. Reading are a small provincial club who have spent the majority of their irrelevant history playing in the lower leagues. They were going head-to-head with the Giants of London, a club with a grand, virtuoso history - a club for which success runs in the blood.

Let's run through the Arsenal team:

Thierry Henry is the greatest footballer alive. Robin Van Persie is the saviour of the Dutch National team. Theo Walcott is the brightest prospect in English football. Cesc Fabregas is the best young player in the world. Kolo Toure and Willian Gallas are both talented, athletic defenders - John Terry could learn a lot from watching these two superior players.

Now for Reading:Steve Sidwell once played for the Arsenal Reserves.

The UN in Kenya has awarded my only role model, Njoki Ndungu, as its Person of the Year 2006. This is in recognition of her tireless efforts in trying to improve the welfare of women in this God forsaken country...Njoki recently succesfully lobbyied for the passing of her motion, the sexual offences act, 2006 that seeked to enact tough and punitive measures for sexual scavengers in Kenya. Apart from that, i admire this woman for her maturity and intellect when discussing issues affecting this country. She even talks passionately about issues affecting Somalis in kenya such as FGM and 2nd class status of the rural somali folks. I really think this award was overdue for Njoki Ndungu. If she ever thinks of vieying for the Kenyan presidency, she has my unconditional support...and the support of many more disgruntled Kenyans who need inspiration! Long live Njoki...

And by the way, Njoki Ndungu is also the hottest female in Kenya's politics...and she is single. I am getting crazy ideas!

What an Eid! What a bad Eid! I have never had such a bad Eid...and i really wouldnt wish on anyone to have such a bad Eid. First of all, there was no one to slaughter for us the goat that i had psyched up to eat the moment i saw it. The result was i had to go to salat-ul-Eid without eating goat meat and liver. This is the 1st ever Eid such an ominous act ever occurred. It was a sign of things to come. We had to drive to Sir Ali Muslim Club for the Eid prayers since the damn Chief Kadhi is still fasting and so our local mosque wont allow us to have Eid prayers untill the Chief Kadhi announces his version of the Eid. So we packed ourselves in a car, me, my uncle whom i stay with and a cousin who happens to be one of my best friends. We weaved through the monday Nairobi jam and reached Sir Ali muslim club. While well inside the ground (which is a large cricket pitch with one entrance), i realized, painfully, that i had not taken ablution at home and the caretakers of the place just wont help me with water. To make matters worse, there was no way out of the place untill the prayers were over. I had to improvise...i just used the dew from the grass to wipe water on my...ever taken a sponge bath?

After the prayers, it was again nightmare getting out of the place...i was pushed, shoved and nearly fell. What happened after this...well, was even worse. Not worth writing over that. Thank God the day is over is all i can say right now...and i am about to be served with goat meat.

I am still learning. I must say its amazing. Blogging is fun now. The only probem seems to be spending more time on other people's blogs than on my own blog. I get lovely articles and get engrossed so much so that i forget to make the post i had planned to make. But its still fun.

The beauty is that while surfing, i get to know more. Today, i found this nice article called 13 ways to succesful blogging, and i loved it so much that i decided to blog it. http://www.selfseo.com/story-2491.php

I was born in a historic age, at the height of the cold war. I was bone just a month before the infamous waggalla massacre. On the day that i was forcefully brought into these world by the cervical spasms and contractions of my mum, the 1st apple macintosh went on sale. And i havent been disappointed. I have lived through interesting and historic times. From my circumsion ages ago to seen yet another plane hit a building in New York yesterday, i really cant complain if i died now that i havent witnessed history.