Simply Me

Everywhere you turn Somalis are dying...15 died these weekend, not from a war but in a tragic road accident after their Mandera bound bus hit a pothole and overturned. The accident happened in the remote Somali inhabited North Eastern Province 20Kms north of Modogashe. (There is no single tarmacked road in these province 40 years after independence) Ina lilahi wa ina ilahi rajicun.

Somali tycoons in Kenya are uncountable... As a matter of fact, apart from the exotic populations of Europeans and Indians, and the ruling Kikuyu ethnic group, no other tribal grouping has as much wealth and as many tycoons as the Somalis... but none of our tycoons beats a certain Sheikh Burhan. A few might match his wealth but no Somali is as influential in the Kenyan political scene...yet he is not a politician. These guy is a case study in Somali ingenuity and if there is such a thing as The Somali Dream he has lived it. He rose from herding camels to a life of opulence. He is not educated but i hear he can speak english these days. I have never met him but i used to admire him, until Thursday the 15th of March.

It seems one good Kenyan in the Kenya Anti-Corruption Commission (of which i have a lot of complains against) smelt something rotten in these tycoons vast real estate empire. When the good sheikh found out there was a 'dog' from Kacc sniffing around, he decided to do what most Kenyans do when confronted with these hungry dogs from Kacc... give it something to sink its canines onto. He proceeded to make an appointment with the investigator in a public hotel and gave out a bribe of Kshs 1 million. Now, in a country where more than half of us live on less than a dollar a day, you surely can understand when i say A million Kenyan shillings is a lot of money.

There was only one problem that these self-made billionaire did not anticipate...that he was not dealing with an ordinary dog, he wasnt dealing with an ordinary Kenyan police officer...In short, our tycoon was set up. He was captured on press video giving out the bribe. Now we get to the most amazing part of my news story.

Only two out of four present TV stations showed the clip at 7 in the evening and surprisingly none showed it at prime Kenyan news time...at 9 pm. He bought the Kenyan media, dear bloggers. Still, he was taken to court where nearly all the Kenyan Somali MPs and 3 other cabinet ministers attended. The court room was packed by Somalis and all business came to a standstill. The packing space at Makadara law courts was full and so the adjacent Jogoo road was turned into one. He was granted a bond of 15 million and a surety of similar amount and the case was postponed to September...I did not get an opportunity to interview him since he was driven off in an entourage of cabinet ministers. Despite all that, the media still gave it a blackout and that is the sad story of the Kenyan media scene.

For all the criticisms of polygamy i could come up with, the cowives fighting in public was not one of them...not untill last sunday. The 1st wife of a kenyan somali member of parliament is recuperating in Nairobi hospital after a very public beating. The MP in question is Mandera east MP, Hon Shaaban Ali Isaak who doubles as the assistant minister of one of the many nondescript ministries that is a reserve for somali MPs in Kenya. This is not the 1st time his two wives are fighting in public.

The 1st time was more dramatic, very petty, funnier, fairer and less severe. Dramatic because they fought in a mosque, petty because they fought over nothing. The truth is they fought over the husband, but their reason for sparking that war was basic kindergarten stuff.
1st wife: why are you looking at me
2nd wife: How did you know i was looking at you, whore...
A slap followed that, then a full blown fight inside a mosque... in the end the 1st wife's lip was not pleasing to kiss after a good bite from the cowife. The MP wanted to divorce his 1st wife after that incident but his relatives oppossed the move. He relented...he shouldnt have, if only to spare her from what was coming.

That was at the end of last year. Not two months later, they were at it again. This time, the 2nd wife got much cleverer and the result, two surgeries in two days for her competitor. They met in a wedding in KICC's tintin restaurant. The 1st wife was the organiser. Naturally, the cowife wasnt invited but she made a showing, not alone but with her crew.

At about midnight, when the somali mommas were busy shaking their things, someone told the 1st wife that she is needed outside. People heard arguments, then screams, as other people rushed out, the the 1st wife and her crew jumped into her car and speeded off. Apparently, the woman was assaulted with broken soda bottles. Police locked everybody into the hotel as they sought an explanation...

That is when a lady whom i had dropped off and promised to pick her up called me. I drove there from Easich only to find the place full of police...fortunately for everybody else, the wife of another political heavyweight, Wajir West Mp Hon Mohamed Abdi (who is also low profile cabinet minister), was in attendance. She explained the situation and everyone was left off.

It was very embarassing for the MP the 1st time...these beats the it. Can it get more embarassing than these? I wouldnt bet against it.